Jesus Lizard - Gladiator [mp3]
A man walks into the bar without hesitation, glancing with confidence at the patrons seated on stools bathed in the afternoon sunlight shafting through the open door. He approaches the jukebox and deposits $20 into the machine, bringing Jesus Lizard all around the room for the old men watching football to hear. A woman at the pool table makes a comment about the loud music, calling it “crap.” The other woman in the room is behind the bar serving drinks. The man selects a few more songs, leaving 22 selections on the jukebox before seating himself at the bar for a beverage. He tells the bartender that she may select songs from the jukebox at her leisure and that he would like a Greyhound.
Several Greyhounds later and 14 songs remain. The man has ordered three shots of Vodka; one for the friend who has just joined him, one for the friend who had just left him and one for himself. The shots remained untouched though, sitting in front of their Greyhounds. He turns to his friend and asks him how his Greyhound tastes and he tells him that the Vodka they are drinking is “top shelf.” The Vodka is Stolichnaya, belying the Greyhound moniker and his friend says the drink is good. It is the first time his friend has had such a drink and the man is enjoying life so he wants to be sure his friend is also. But then he remembers what it is that brought them here today, to this bar on the strip in the middle of the afternoon and he looks at his friend’s somber expression nearing tears and he orders another Greyhound.
There are 13 songs remaining when the man rises for a cigarette. His friend doesn’t smoke so he tells him to pick a song from the jukebox. Standing just outside of the bar, the man lights up a cigarette when suddenly that first Jesus Lizard song comes on again. He can already hear the woman at the pool table calling it “crap” and he thinks to himself, “This song is exactly right for the occasion.” There are 12 songs left when the man tells his friend that he picked the same Jesus Lizard song. The man asks why he selected that song and his friend says through a strained facial expression, the sort of strain that constrains stray tears, he says, “He liked that song.” They order another Greyhound and the man tells his friend about the bartender.
“Last week I was in here about this time. The sun was just the same shining through those little windows and the open door right across the top of the bar and Debbie was in here serving booze to the regulars. I was telling this man sitting next to me that Debbie, she’s got a fine set of tits and a beautiful smile. I don’t know if Debbie heard me but my shots of Beam were double shots from that point on.” Song 10 was just expiring when Debbie called back across the bar, “It wasn’t your comment about my tits that got you the double shots. It was your money.” The man just smiled and his friend smiled a bit too.
With 9 songs remaining, the jukebox went silent. Debbie asked the man and his friend what they were going to do with the three shots. The man told Debbie that he and his friend would drink their shots and that the third should be poured onto the ground somewhere in the vicinity. His friend explained to Debbie that their friend had performed in this bar once and that he liked Jesus Lizard and that is why it kept playing and that he had smoked cigarettes in front of this bar at one time and that all of those places seemed an appropriate place to pour the shot. The man selected that Jesus Lizard song one last time and told Debbie to forget the pouring, that the shot should be split between him and his friend and so it went.
The man and his friend left with spirits in their stomach and 8 songs left on the jukebox. A week later, the man learned that Debbie had played that same Jesus Lizard song with all 8 of those plays to drive out the woman at the pool table who was “a fucking bitch who tipped too little.” And the man, he just had to laugh.
Jesus Lizard is a rhythm and blues band from Austin/Chicago. The featured song is from the album Liar. Purchase the music at Amazon | Insound | eMusic.
